Ours is a complicated relationship. Yesterday morning, July 12th (please note that I said JULY!!), I woke up angry. I woke up angry because as I silenced my alarm I heard the sound of rain pattering down on my windows. If you had dropped the temperature any lower I would have been not just angry but outraged. You can be such a tease sometimes. I wait and wait and wait and manage my expectations about when it will be warm and wait and wait and wait all through spring and the calendar beginning of summer. After many brief glimpses of comfortable, sunny weather followed by days of dreary chill and drizzle, you FINALLY “flipped the switch,” as a dear friend Janet put it, at the beginning of this month.
It made me so happy to wear my sunglasses each day, to find the direct sun could get hot enough to make me sweat, to notice that my rain jacket hung unused for more than two consecutive days, to go out in open-toed shoes and no sweater. I was content. Your dark mood, which I like in moderation but tire of after seven months, was finally gone and I was joyfully frolicking in your sunnier humor. So, can you blame me for being dismayed when I woke up yesterday to see the rain? In those vulnerable just waking moments I feared that the clock had slipped and we were back in May, with weeks of grey to live through again. Please don’t do this to me anymore!
Oh but you are so conniving. You make it impossible to stay mad at you. Your charms are simply too much for me. At lunch time I was making brash threats to leave you; I wouldn’t take this cruelty and abuse anymore. I was going to tell you goodbye. But by evening I was just as in love with you again as I have ever been. Why? Because on my evening walk up the hill, you gave me this:
We need our quality time, don’t we, Eugene? When I tread up the hill and see the beautiful greens and blues on the surrounding hills and the gorgeous rainbow of colors in the twilight skies and feel the comfortably cool air on my face I am so refreshed and enlivened. Thank you for these moments. I really do love you. I guess, in light of all your beauty, I have to forgive you for yesterday. I do.
But please, I beg of you, no more cruel mornings like yesterday. Let me savour your sunny side uninterrupted for a couple of months more; I need every moment of it to get me through your almost interminable melancholy phase.