Get me a rake, stat!

If vengeance were mine, leaf-blowing would come to an explosive and somewhat bloody end.

The moment someone revved up a leaf-blower, an Agent of Vigilante Justice, armed with ear plugs and a rake, would locate the person who had chosen the leaf-blower as the preferred tool.  (Very often this person may not be the individual actually handling the machine.)

Once the Agent had discovered the responsible party, he would bring the miscreant to the site of the leaf-blowing (if not already on site).   The responsible party would be forced to wear and use the leaf-blower.

Meanwhile, the Agent would rake up some leaves, quietly and effectively heaping up a pile.  Then the Agent would use the handle of the rake to shove large chunks of debris up the hose of the leaf-blower while in operation until the inevitable backfiring and explosion, ridding the world of one leaf-blower and (possibly) one aggressive noise polluter.

Less Violent Option

For those of you who object to such dramatic, potentially fatal gestures, I have an alternative suggestion.  Instead of causing the leaf-blower to explode while in use, the Agent of Vigilante Justice could simply wrench the offensive machine from the peace-destroying cretin and turn it on him, allowing him to experience the roaring blast full-on for about five minutes.

After this hair-dryer-on-steroids demonstration, the Agent would empty the contents of the machine’s gas chamber onto any pile of debris that had been previously gathered.  He would then light the pile and toss the evil machine into the resulting blaze.  This conflagration would be a sign of victory to all the victims of the outrageously violent noise previously produced by the machine, and a warning to any other leaf-blowers in the area.

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

Some uses of the leaf-blower are so egregious that they call for immediate citizen response.  If vengeance were mine, anyone who attempted to use a leaf-blower in the morning near any domicile would be tazed immediately.  This is simply justice.


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