Waking up is hard enough for most of us, especially on early weekday mornings. The traditional alarm jerks you harshly into reality by screaming at you, a method that does not exactly take the edge off the painful experience of being roused before you are ready. Our new service, “Angel Alarm” is designed to make the transition from dreamworld to waking world as painless and pleasant as possible. When you sign up for Angel Alarm, you are signing up for new way to start every day: happier, calmer, and more prepared for the challenges ahead. You will no longer limp helplessly toward your coffee maker, clutching at your bathrobe in despair, cursing your own existence. You will rise from you bed slowly and peacefully, enveloped in a sense of love and care.
By now you are probably asking yourself what this miraculous Angel Alarm is. I will not keep you in suspense. The Angel Alarm is a personal service program. You pay a monthly fee for a Morning Angel to come to your house on your workdays to wake you up. You will be required to provide the Angel with a latchkey.
What does the Angel Alarm do? She* quietly enters your room, carrying your favorite mug or thermos full of fresh gourmet coffee, and begins the process by partially opening the blinds to let in gentle light. If you are so unfortunate as to require a pre-dawn waking time, we will install a special lamp in your room that the Angel can turn on to its lowest setting. After setting your coffee down on the bedside table or other appropriate, safe location, she will sit down on your bed close to you, gently put her hand on your shoulder, and say your name softly. She will squeeze your arm slightly and wait a few seconds. Then, as softly as before, she will repeat your name a second time. After another pause, she will explain, in the calmest, mildest, most apologetic tones, that it is time for you to get up.
At this point, most clients will be aware of the Angel’s presence and pleasantly half-awake. For heavier sleepers, the Angel may need to repeat the announcement that it is time to get up. She will never raise her voice or become demanding. When the Angel sees that you are beginning to wake up, she will pick up the coffee and bring it close enough for you to smell. Then she will tell you, “I know this is hard, but it is going to be okay. You can do this.” When you sit up, the Angel will give you a hug to welcome you to the world.**
Once you are sitting up with the warm coffee vestibule in your hands, the Angel will turn up the lights, or open the blinds more, to increase illumination. She will then withdraw and leave you to your daily preparation.
We are confident that the Angel Alarm will make your mornings better. We offer a money back guarantee within the first two weeks of service if you find you are not satisfied.
For more information, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
*I have opted to use the feminine pronoun because according to our market research there is a much higher preference for female-gendered Angels.
**The hug is optional. If you prefer not to be touched upon waking, the routine can be modified to meet your needs.